It Ends Today

Today, I'm giving up on the idea of an us. I will no longer think about what we've shared and all those fun and great times we've had. I will no longer imagine what it would be like if things didn't end up this way or how we could have been in a great relationship if only we tried.

Cause today, I am tired of trying to bring back the old us and make whatever this is work. I've reached that point wherein I feel stupid and crazy already for doing all these efforts only to not get an answer from your end. They say it takes 2 people to make a relationship work but clearly in our case I am standing in this battle alone.

I am tired of chasing after you cause you're just making me feel like you don't really want to be chased. My mind is going crazy thinking about you and  what else can I do but I know one day it just has to stop; and it ends today.

I wish you could have met me halfway or gave me signs that what we had is still worth fighting for. I know that in your heart I can still find myself there but I just don't know why you are making things so diificult. Making me feel that I am the only one who actually wants to give this another chance.

Yes I like you and up to now I still do but I guess I just have to raise the flag and walk away. It was good till it lasted. Thanks for all the great memories and I wish when our paths cross again my heart has forgotten you already.

XOXO,

Singlesuzzie 

I'm Good

So today I got to hear from you again after quite some time. I really just wanted to check how things are with you lately considering I don't know now what you're up to since we stopped communicating.

You said you were good and you asked me how I was and I said, "I'm okay." I actually wanted to say I'm great or never been better but that would be a lie. So I went with okay since that's how I really feel. I mean I don't really feel good considering how things are with us right now but I guess I'm okay..slowly trying to accept things.

But when you said you were good, I started to feel a little depressed. I thought aren't you sad that you don't get to talk to me or see me anymore? Don't you miss those times we've spent together? Don't you even miss me or feel a little loneliness without me? Or have you actually started seeing someone else that's why you said good?

God, am starting to overthink again. Shouldn't have just messaged you in the 1st place. It's just feels odd how our used to be fun conversations have turned into very polite & formal messages. Well I guess maybe we could never go back and rewind the past no matter how much I try to reach out and make an effort to bring it back.

I just wish one day I can also honestly say that "I'm good or more so I'm doing great."

XOXO,

Singlesuzzie

Who Would You Pick?

So how do you know who's really the right one for you?

Some would say it's best to be with someone who loves you more than you love them. Someone who's really financially stable and is ready for the whole marriage, kids and white picket fence scenario. Someone who lets you feel that their intentions are really serious and plans a date often just so they can spend time with you. They don't try to make any move on you, no kiss or neither holding hands until you guys are officially together. Someone who would message you so often to check up on you and continues to make an effort to reach out to you even if sometimes they don't get a reply. 

But then with this person everything is just steady. You don't get butterflies whenever they're around you. You don't smile or laugh as much when you're together. You don't find him attractive nor have an emotional connection with him. He's just okay, someone you just go out with just for the sake of trying to give it a chance when clearly you know it won't ever lead to something romantic.

Then there's this guy that you unexpectedly meet. He's stable, fun and exciting. You always look forward to the days you'll be seeing him and gets butterflies whenever you're around him. You smile often and laugh more in his company. The chemistry is just undeniable that you start to get physically and emotionally attracted after a few dates. But the catch is, he isn't ready for commitment and you don't know if he will ever be with you. He always makes you wonder what are you in his life. His actions and words don't always match and sometimes he may be hot and cold instead of consistent.

So do you just settle for the guy who is into the same page as you in terms of building a relationship eventhough clearly you know there is no romance happening or would you go for the guy who makes you genuinely happy and just take a risk and see maybe it has a potential to lead to something serious in time?

XOXO,

Singlesuzzie

Shared Moments

I finally had home-made shabu-shabu again for dinner but this time I was eating alone. No more you to eat it with me while having light conversations about food and anything in between. No more you who would tell me it was good eventhough it was an all boil thing and I didn't have to put much effort in it. It was such a simple meal made extra special with your company.

It's sad that we won't be able to do that again. Share a meal together and have those conversations or even just having fun and enjoying each other's company. I actually liked having you around, it made me feel relaxed after a tiring workday and made me look forward to the days I'll be spending it with you again. I felt I wasn't alone anymore, that at the end of the day it's actually nice to be able to have someone to spend your night with, listen to music and just talk about anything under the sun. My room turned from boring to exciting on days you were here.

Now my couch seems lonely without your company.; my house sounds so quiet without your voice & laughter and my day just feels  so incomplete without seeing or hearing from you.

How I wish we could just go back to how we were back then. But I know it will be a hopeless case since too much have been said and intentions were made clear. Still, I am hoping that one day things will be okay again between us and we would just pick up where we left things. But until then, let me miss you and reminisce on the memories we used to share...

XOXO,

singlesuzzie

That Doesn't Make Them Any Different

If we're looking for a potential partner who's willing to commit, we avoid the people who are just in for the fun and sex. Those who texts you at 10pm and says he wanna come over or calls you at 12 midnight and invites you for drinks. Those who doesn't check-in with you to ask how your day went during the day or even makes plans ahead to see you. They only wanna see you when they want and need you and clearly just wants your company in the bedroom.

I have managed to eliminate those guys having figured out that for me to find the right one, I should actually change things up and only make time for those that I needed and wanted. I'm turning 35, and I'm at this point in my life where I am done having relationships that would lead me to nowhere. I don't want something temporary, companionships I acommodate just because I feel alone and lonely. I want something more than that, something more meaningful and permanent. Something real.....something serious.

But you know what? I thought I had but I haven't. The guy who meets up with you before lunch, after lunch, before dinner or anytime by 12 midnight. Checks up on you from time to time & messages you during the day wherein your conversations aren't always green and flirty. Who asks about your past, interests and confides in you doesn't neccessarily make him the commitment type of guy.

Sometimes, they just know the tricks of how to do things differently for them to not come off as the "booty call" type of guy. They'll sweep you off your feet by saying the right words, playing the right music, act as if their intentions are more than just having you in bed. They know girls like the romance and sweetness and they'll give you just that. They'll mask themselves as the sincere, gentleman type of guy when all along they're just doing it for one thing and for one thing along...to keep you emotionally connected then take you to the bedroom just like the guys you try to avoid.

So beware ladies, as these types of guys come in different forms. We must learn how to read them and definitely trust our instincts. Never invest emotionally unless they've earned it. Don't give that trust and take him to the bedròom unless you are sure that his intentions are clearly more than just that.  I know it's confusing to read men and decipher which is which. But trust me in the process of spending time with him, you'll surely know. Sometimes we are just too caught up with our feelings that we get blinded by the real deal ; and sometimes in our hopes of finally finding the one, we place them in the potential guy department even when clearly they are not.

XOXO,

Singlesuzzie

Just When You Thought You've Figured It Out...

Just when everyone is either engaged, married and having kids, here I am turning 35 and going through another heartbreak. 

After 34 years I thought I've figured it all out, how to assess which guys are worth harvesting emotions for and which ones you clearly have to stay away from. After so many failed dates and relationships, I thought my heart was wiser or that my mind would somehow rule over my emotions but I guess I just never learn. I always give the perfect advice to so many people but I can't manage to apply a single one of them.

At this age, I still get fooled by those who mask themselves with transparency, decency and good intentions. It may have just been a couple of dates or meet-ups but you can't question it's validity for feeling things. I always believed in quality over quantity. It's not how many times you've spent with that person but how it is spent regardless of how few it has been. Some people will say, "it hasn't been a month so stop acting that way." But our heart doesn't work that way. It just caughts you off guard and sadly it doesn't choose if it's the wrong or right person for you...it just does. 

And the sad part is, you can't just unfeel things in an instant. You just don't get over someone that easily....well in my case not. I value relationships, moments and connections and it's not something I can quickly get over with. You see, connections are so hard to find, that's why once you do you hold on to it and hope that it leads to something romantic.

But apparently not all great connections ends up happily just like the ones we see in the movies or we read in those romantic novels. Sometimes it's just not enough. Even how great the chemistry is and how attracted one is to you, it won't still merit a relationship. That is what just happened in my case..and up to now I am still figuring out the why's.

Is it really that hard to find that kind of love? A love that chooses you inspite and despite of your flaws, craziness and shortcomings. A love that goes beyond sexual desires and wanting you emotionally and all that you are. A love that will never make you feel too much or too less, just enough for them to want you. You may not be "the she's all that" type of girl, but you are in their eyes. A love so real that they don't run away feeling scared or pressured when things get serious.

Am starting to feel maybe this isn't for me. Maybe relationships are not my thing cause nothing seems to work-out my way. That for so many years I have still remained single and haven't found someone who's worthy enough to change that. Well I thought I have, but as usual I was wrong all along. Most guys that I've dated are the ones I didn't like or has no possible chance that I may develop feelings for. And those that I do, well they're just the temporary kind of guy rather the long term ones.

Do I still hope or do I give up and just accept singlehood for life? I'm not saying I'm not happy being alone or that I'm not contented in it. It's okay to be single and there's nothing wrong with that or something you should feel bad for. But sometimes it still crosses my mind how life would be more happy having someone by my side. Someone who you know will be your partner for life in this crazy but wonderful life. Someone that feels like the movies you've seen or the books you read. 

I don't wanna put my heart on the line again and just end up getting disappointed. I think I'm too old for those games and ploys men do these days. I want sincerity, transparency and consistency. Someone who's just as tired of getting it wrong as I am. Someone who can live without you but chooses not to. Someone who isn't afraid to show his affection and would actually walk the talk. Someone who does everything to keep you cause they know you were the one the moment they met you. I know I deserve all that---WE deserve all that.

Am I just being a hopeless romantic or just hopeless in this case? Is there really someone out there for me? Should I still wanna find out or should I just accept it isn't for me?


XOXO,

Singlesuzzie